Most of us know the term “paying it forward”:  Instead of returning the favor to someone who did us a solid, we express our gratitude by passing something nice on to another person. This is different from carrying it forward.

The former is a joyous action involving at least one other person. The latter is more solitary: an experience, memory, belief,  or obligation we keep carrying with us.  I come across both in design and home staging work.

Paying it forward is almost always a good thing. It can be anonymous, or face-to-face.  Donating no-longer-needed items, or leaving them behind for buyers who want them is one way this happens in my field.

Making more environmentally friendly choices is another: from upgrading to LED bulbs to more mindful consumerism via re-purposing and upcycling-all are wonderful gifts to future generations.

I’ve found carrying something forward can be a great guardrail. But it can also be an albatross, costing you time and money, and keeping you from joy.

For example: buying or selling real estate doesn’t come up more than a handful of times for most non-agents. It’s fast-paced and ever-changing, not to mention high-stakes.  Your instincts may be guided by how and what you did last time. but experiences even only a few years ago can be irreverent.

• Listing high so buyers can negotiate down and feel they got a deal and offering allowances instead of doing/fixing things themselves first made sense before housing apps, buyer agents, and a market that pays for move-in ready were the norm.
• Downsizers ISO a new space with a wall for their 7′ long china cabinet, or waiting til they find ‘the’ new place before putting their house on the market will miss opportunities.  Uncomfortable as it is, re-examining criteria, and determining what’s really needed to move forward is the first step to making it happen.

In design, past decisions that didn’t go as planned can hobble you terribly. That paint color you hated as it was drying. That sofa that looked great but no one wanted to sit on. That (fill in the blank) that was a nightmare to keep up. Many carry their misses multiplied by the money spent on it around as penance…for years.

When I first connect with a new client, I ask a lot of ‘why’ questions. Knowing how someone feels is one thing, knowing the experience that shaped it helps us both tremendously.

• That deep blue paint color you loved but was too dark in a large northern-facing room?  Could be terrific in a more average-sized room with better lighting. Or it could be on upholstery, or in wall art.
• Replacing one ginormous sectional for another, long after the kids have moved out might not be your best choice. Maybe your knees or back would like a little more support. Or maybe a sofa a some upholstered chairs would be a better fit in a new space when you sell down the line.

The Refreshed Home was launched in 2007 after nearly 30 years in retail design and store management. We’re a full-time independent design and listing prep agency serving Westchester County. We’ve worked with thousands of homeowners:  in every ZIP code, with properties of every style, vintage, and price point.

Buying. selling, flipping, or staying and improving? We work collaboratively to untangle and right the complicated relationships most have with their space, their things, and their lives. People and their processes are just as important as dollars, dreams, and results. Interested? Curious?  Just start the conversation!